Category Archives: LOVE YOURSELF TO SUCCESS

Don’t Allow Anyone to Shame You

No one should have to be held captive to the effects of shame! When the clouds of shame are lifted, you can actually walk down a path of becoming EXTRAordinary. Today is Martin Luther King Day, where we have the privilege to honor a great man, who held a dream of racial equality and people living in love, peace, and acceptance. His message is even more crucial today as many people in our country are reverting backward… once again expressing prejudice and racism. I find consolation in Dr. King’s concepts; they mirror my belief that love is a verb, and that it calls on us to Act on Love. You will see the commonalities as I share my personal story with you. Find enlightenment in my story. Look not only beyond your own shame, but look at how easily and unintentionally you can shame others. Understand the effect your actions have on them, and most importantly—how to prevent these practices and overcoming shame.

I came to the United States from Japan when I was seven years old. At that time, I looked different than my peers and didn’t speak or write English. Just because of my appearance alone, I was teased and bullied. With great frequency, kids made fun of me, made gestures about my slanted eyes, and called me names. Unfortunately, you cannot change your race, your features, or the color of your skin. Through no fault of my own, the bullying caused me to be ashamed of my appearance and ethnicity.

Sure I felt different…I was different! The shame of my ethnic origins and early struggles with school filled me for years—following me from childhood into being an adult. I wasn’t equipped to understand shame is different from guilt.; you don’t need to do anything wrong to feel ashamed. Over time I came to understand shame is a feeling of being less than, inferior, or different—and is typically caused by the actions of others.

As I reflect back, these childhood years were filled with anguish. I desperately wanted to be accepted, liked, and to be “one of them.” In my primitive ways to gain acceptance and to blend in, I disowned my Japanese heritage and even changed the pronunciation of my name to sound softer and more Anglicized. Yes, I became one of the “bananas” you may have heard about: yellow on the outside, white on the inside!

Early on I began to intuitively choose people who could become good friends and become an ally. I focused on those who were welcoming of me with their direct eye contact and smiles. I then became a master of developing conversations and establishing relationships quickly. It was simple: I was friendly, engaging, loyal, and became an excellent listener who provided emotional and physical support to others.

Later on, I learned how to depersonalize. This is a way to deflect and to know that the comments, actions, and situations are NOT about you! Rather, it is about the other person and where he/she is coming from. Their putdowns and slurs—although directed at you—are, in essence, more so about them! This ability to depersonalize helps provide a glimpse into who or what the other person is. 

A confident person who can love and accept himself or herself is one who can be encouraging and warm toward others…no matter the race or physical appearance and attributes reflected outwardly. Being too tall, short, fat, skinny, unathletic, or disabled – in the end, it doesn’t matter. Ultimately… the choices are yours: to buy into the shame or move beyond it. When you- recognize and remember that when another person is compelled to call you names, demean, and harass you… the behaviors provide insights into insecure feelings within themselves.

A person who can accept others, or at least maintain neutral opinions, withholds judgment and criticism. To develop this level of acceptance requires learning and practicing the Art of Conscious Loving™. Conscious loving is easy to recognize; it is the ability to look at situations—and other individuals—through the eyes of acceptance and love—and allow yourself and others the benefit of the doubt. When you have attained this skill, you can begin to see beyond what you may think another person may lack; or how they find you lacking. Since none of us is perfect, and make mistakes, when we embrace Conscious Loving, we give ourselves permission to be imperfect, to be aware, and to live in the present. It is in the present where you can quickly correct the thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and actions that provide support—and a discover a template for the best results in your life journey.

Bear in mind that your actions, comments, and even your thoughts affect you and others in many ways. LIVE today in honor of Martin Luther King; as you stop and ACT on Love towards yourself and others. Stop and consider moving beyond your own sense of shame; support others to ensure you do not add to the layers of shame that far too often pile themselves upon us.


Mamiko Odegard, Ph.D., president of Biz Life Success, Inc., has served over 30 years as a psychologist and life and business coach, who helps you overcome shame, learn to ACT on love, and helps you to be Irresistible, Invincible, and Iconic. She is an international best-selling author of Daily Affirmations for Love and Overcoming Self-Sabotage and Strathmore’s Worldwide Who’s Who Professional Coach of the Year.

Mamiko Odegard, PhD
Success@DrMamiko.com

How a 48-Hour Makeover Can Diminish Feeling Sad

Are You Feeling Sad? Can the empowerment found in a 48-Hour Makeover change that for you?

It is natural to feel a sense of being blue or sad. These feelings are often triggered by events such as being disappointed you weren’t able to successfully close a contract on which you worked so diligently for weeks. The sadness can be compounded because you are aware it caused you to take out your frustration as you yelled at your children and mate. Sometimes, it might seem that no matter what you do, you end up taking two steps back.

It is also natural to have moments in your day when you might feel sad or experience anguish over an outcome that failed to meet your expectations. Unfortunately, life has a way of hurtling challenges at you in clusters.

We refer to these feelings as situational sadness, recognized in life challenges such as moving, separation, starting a new job, difficulty with co-workers, fear of downsizing, or not getting recognized for your efforts. Each can trigger feelings of sadness. When you begin to feel your life is out of control, it is natural to add another level… that of feeling stuck. When you reach this level, you would be wise to consider a 48-Hour Makeover- a highly focused consultation where the magic happens!

Why? Because… when you experience additional layers of sadness, you are at risk of experiencing depression, a more prolonged and more pervasive feeling of being “down,” where you might exhibit symptoms such as:

  • Becoming more stressed
  • Feeling stuck
  • Losing hope
  • Seeing the glass half empty
  • Feeling powerless and overwhelmed
  • Have difficulty making decisions and problems with concentration and memory
  • Greater impatience and irritability
  • Loss of interest and pleasure in activities that you previously enjoyed
  • Becoming reclusive
  • Thoughts of suicide or harming yourself

With depression, greater apathy for longer periods of time can prevail and you may begin to experience physical symptoms such as headaches, loss of energy, difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much, loss of appetite, overeating, lowered libido, and increased physical pain such as back pain and stomach distress as well as increased heart rate and blood pressure. It doesn’t have to be this way! Consider engaging in a 48-Hour Makeover!

Whether you are sad or experiencing depression, help is available. Assistance through an empathic listener who can hear and understand your pain while providing emotional support can be the first step to relieving your sadness. Skills directly designed to lower feelings of sadness and restore hope and empowerment are easy to learn. You learn to shift away from perceptions that exacerbate feelings of loss of control and powerless and move toward new ways to reframe your feelings with different meanings that can lead to enhanced feelings of empowerment and action. This reframing also helps to recognize that your crises and challenges are temporary; your life doesn’t have to be this chaotic, stressful, and unpredictable. It is as simple as learning how to take charge of what you can control.

You’re not weak or defective – you haven’t been taught the blueprint of how to more effectively and quickly manage your feelings and more adeptly handle difficult situations Sometimes, you are your own worst enemy, keeping yourself trapped in a series of circular questions that your brain cannot answer such as:

  • Why is this happening to me?
  • What’s wrong with me?
  • Will I always feel stuck and miserable?

During a 48-Hour Makeover, you can learn to quickly change and refine your thoughts and beliefs into more opportunistic ways of viewing your situation. You also learn to open yourself to creativity and actively taking steps to improve your life. Most importantly you feel more uplifted and secure in just how this ability to use these new skills transforms your personal growth.

You might feel conflicted that you “should” be strong and learn to pull yourself out of this emotional morass with no assistance. Instead of beating yourself up, realize that you only know what you know, which leads you to do little more than repeat old patterns of behavior. How refreshing would it be for you to have a mentor that could help you to have a specific toolbox of skills when you find yourself cycling down?

Consider this: It is an act of kindness and love on your part to allow yourself to talk, to be heard and understood, and to create a game plan for success. What a shift away from feeling sad to instantly feel supported, cared for, more optimistic, and hope for the future. What a magical moment… to notice your energy and mood lighten as you discern more ways to stop yourself in your tracks as soon as you notice yourself starting to feel sad or depressed. Yes, you can be in charge of your life! The choice is yours.

Dr. Mamiko Odegard has worked with thousands of individuals and couples; she can help you feel and be your best self. Call 480-391-1184 for a complimentary appointment to experience a unique jumpstart in making changes for the better. Remember, when you take action, you lift your spirits and energy, and consciously affirm you are already taking control of your life. Yes, you are already learning the art of Loving Yourself to Success!

Dr. Mamiko Odegard
480-391-1184
success@DrMamiko.com

 

Love Yourself to Success:  A Family Triumphs Over Self-Sabotage

The concept… to love yourself to success has long been a mantra of mine.  Whether you want to reach your own goals or work together, with others, love can and does conquer myriad difficulties even when you are challenged and stuck in old repetitive self-sabotaging patterns.

I would like to share an uplifting coaching experience with a family… where in just a few short hours, the seemingly impossible happened right before our eyes.  There had been a gradual build-up of tension and anger between the parents and their teen who wanted little more than to exert her own independence.  My intuition led me to do more than being a referee; I served instead as a facilitator… a conduit of skills and modeling of valuing tenderness, respect, and affection for the family. This was their first step to understanding my mantra, to love yourself to success.

The process called Initially for each person to employ a system of expressing appreciation and affection for the other’s efforts and support to create a buffer before expressing the details of any anger, hurt, sadness, frustration, or fears within. The family quickly understood how important this prelude is to reveal dissatisfaction… how easily it sets the tone for amicability and working together to understand and resolve differences.

The family members learned how to act as listener and speaker. Those who listened quickly learned to mirror the feelings and the reasons behind the feelings being shared.  As each person was better able to accurately describe the hurt, pain, and insecurities of the other, a magical transformation of kindness emerged. This step was the more difficult for the listener… calling for the kind of support where there was no attempt to talk the speaker out of his or her thoughts or feel compelled to provide solutions to quiet the speaker.

Instead, each participant listened attentively, maintained excellent eye contact, and began to demonstrate compassion and respect for themselves and each other as they listened for the hurt beneath the anger and sought to keep the focus on the speaker. The experience and the outcome were far different from their typical custom to bring the conversation back to themselves—their own thoughts, feelings, and reactions—through justifying and defending their sense of entitlement and actions.

Several dramatic changes took place to create a space for sharing, each strengthing the ability to “love yourself to success.”  The family members were able to…

  • Be more specific about actions that caused emotional and mental upset and provided examples in a calm manner.
  • Show respect for one another by making sure the focus stayed on the speaker.
  • Take turns speaking about their struggles and begin to be clear on what they needed and wanted to be more cooperative, united and showing warmth to each other.
  • Understand the deeper needs of the speaker and how to fulfill them.
  • Take personal responsibility for the hardships and conflicts that each contributed to the situation.
  • Develop a “safe word” that was neutral to help remind each of them to take a timeout when emotions would escalate uncontrollably if one or more engaged in attacks of the other.
  • Understand and speak-adult to adult-rather than a parent to a child, or reacting as child to parent.
  • Take turns listening, where a greater intellectual and emotional understanding began to take place…one of empathy, of being able to put themselves in the other’s situation to imagine and sense what it would be like to be in the other’s shoes.
  • Realize the harder they pushed, the more resistance followed…as tension matched intensity and adverse outcomes.
  • Understand that any conflict was temporary…and that they could negotiate better outcomes by taking personal responsibility.
  • Depersonalize the situations, which called for not taking another’s behavior personally…and embracing the reality that the behavior was not directed toward them, but about the experience of the person exhibiting the behavior`.

By the end of the session, each family member had learned to make direct requests of each other to resolve issues; they developed a “blueprint” of agreed-upon actions going forward.  By becoming honest, open, and vulnerable, this family was able to become closer and to learn new information about each other. The greatest outcome was being able to have true intimacy in the manner in which they could show ways of communicating and loving each other.

Learning to love yourself to success…

Mamiko Odegard, PhD

Success Template – Embrace Your Mistakes

Have you ever considered what it would be like to be EXTRA-ordinary, but feel you aren’t quite there as you look around and notice people in your job, in your business, and even in your personal life who seem to quickly excel – where you do not? These are people that seem to be on the fast track regardless of the goals they establish. Would you like to know the secret to their success? It’s taking risks and allowing yourself to fail.

Yes, that right! The secret to getting what you want out of life in the quickest way possible means you have to fail. Not only do you have to fail, but it’s crucial to do it often and quickly. It’s the fastest way to gain feedback about ways to align your thinking and improve your skills, strategies, and techniques.

Mistakes Are Your Friend

Being a perfectionist and efforts to avoid making mistakes, will only slow down your progress and promote self-criticism. Rather than allowing fear and anxiety to sabotage your success, be bold with calculated risks, and experience something new. The lack of failure, means that you are complacent and following the tried and predictable safe route. Making mistakes isn’t failing. Instead consciously praise yourself for your courage to “rock the boat” and tinker your way to exploring what truly works.

Thomas Edison’s quote may inspire you –

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

Messages Within Mistakes

What are your mistake telling you? Mistakes are a way of letting you know that there’s a better way of handling life’s puzzles. Instead of berating yourself, use this moment to embrace the person that you are. The art of Conscious Loving™ helps you to affirm yourself even when you believe you’ve fallen or haven’t done your best. You are perfectly imperfect in the things you say and do…the challenge is to have the capacity to improve and to believe that through every mistake you grow in wisdom and as a person with greater character.

 An Opportunity To Start Over

Mistakes also provide you an opportunity to identify the “rules” you carry, and identify any unrealistic or harsh expectations of what you must or should do. Sometimes the rules and beliefs that helped you blend in with your family do not serve you well now. It’s time to reboot and create a new operating system for yourself that is compatible with the gentle nurturing approach that leads to a new improved you. As the old Clairol commercial would remind you – “because you’re worth it!” There is nothing sweeter than making a mistake and being able to accept and love yourself to success.

Here is to you learning to be EXTRA-ordinary!

Mamiko Odegard, PhD

Dr. Mamiko Presents: Becoming Irresistible, Invincible and Iconic

An Athlete’s Exit Game Plan: Three Essential Steps for Successful Transitions

Hanging out with Big-Al-Chelsey Former NFL Star

You hear business owners talking about having an exit plan. If you are an athlete in college or entering the Pros, it’s even more important for you to have one. Although you may have spent your entire life preparing to make the team and become the star athlete, the reality remains: it is not uncommon for an athlete to swiftly and unexpectedly get cut from the team through performance, financial decisions, or through injury.

Unfortunately, many teams seem to be interested in “what can you do for me today?” Nor are they generally focused or necessarily appreciative of what you have done for them in the past. What you embraced as a promising college or pro career can be immediately impacted by unexplainable struggles on the field or court, another player emerging that is hungrier or more talented than you… and of course, the dreaded injury that dwells in the back of every player’s mind during practice or live games.

Having an exit game plan for your career after sports gives you direction and helps you to prepare now for whatever your athletic future holds in store for you. Below are steps you can take now to ensure a successful transition for wherever you are in your life and career.

Three-Step Game Plan for Success

1. Take stock of your talents, gifts, and passions;
2. Cultivate your esteem and love of self as essential to success; and
3. Create your own destiny.

Talents, Gifts, and Passions:

It is likely you have dreamed all your life of making the Pros in your sport. What else makes you passionate about this kind of a life plan? Is it teaching and coaching other players, being a leader of your team, being the analytical specialist, or being able to make a difference in the world with your celebrity as the drawing card. Perhaps, one of the joys from your achievement and stardom is being able to influence the young and eager wide-eyed youth who look up to you—giving them hope and inspiration for a better quality of life—that they too can create their dreams.

In reality, it’s more than giving hope and fulfilling dreams. It is about making a true difference in someone’s life, starting with your own. Can you become a financial planner to reach other athletes? Do you desire to motivate others through corporate presentations or speaking and writing to help others reach their dreams?

Begin to make a list of your passions. Then make a list of the skills that would complement your passions and help you fulfill them. A word of caution: don’t let your critical, analytical self-talk you out of your highest dreams. You can do it, but the first step is getting clarity and honesty about your desires, skills, and talents. Whatever is deep in your heart, you can reach them.

Cultivate Self-Esteem and Love:

The lack of love and self-acceptance are two primary enemies that sabotage your success in life, relationships, and career. If you are self-critical, you talk yourself out of taking steps towards your goals. You may have used criticism to propel you to change your behaviors and skills for athletics. Yet, these put downs and harshness toward yourself can later lead to feelings of failure and not feeling good enough…and the deadly tendency to compare yourself to others. When you do compare yourself with others, it is all too easy to find those who are quicker, stronger, more skilled, smarter, etc. The natural result of these thoughts is that you begin to feel more inadequate, which then translates to diminished self-esteem, confidence, and performance.

You don’t have to beat yourself up! Instead, you are here to learn to be your best self by being your foremost supporter. When you encourage yourself—even through mistakes and shortcomings—you are learning the art of Conscious Loving™, the power of which is to give yourself the best intentions and allow your brain to support you as you make the best decisions for yourself. In contrast, when you start with yourself in showing unconditional love, you immediately lift your energy, spirit, and mental game—and almost magically, you achieve far more. Remember self-love and acceptance equate to healthy self-esteem.

Create Your Own Destiny:

As an athlete, you are in charge of your own destiny. You determined how much you practiced, strengthened and conditioned, the types of foods you ate, the coaches’ instructions you employed, and the lifestyle you lived to give yourself the best possible ways to physically, emotionally, and mentally thrive in your sport. However, if you are terminated from your sport through injury or displaced from your team, you might believe that you have few options.

Keep an open heart and mind; consider that every adversity and challenge can create an opportunity for you to grow even more—and thrive—if you can face and deal with each new situation. You remain in control as the conductor of your life. No one makes these decisions for you, and you certainly don’t need to ride the train as a victim of circumstances! You do not need to believe or feel the current situation you are in defines you. No! Each momentary setback is designed to help you create an even more impactful direction for your life. What lessons can you learn from your situation? How can you leverage the desire to create even better outcomes? For a hint, go back to step number two: leveraging your self-acceptance and love.

Know that when you truly love yourself, you choose beliefs, thoughts, and actions that are consistent with supporting yourself and your dreams and visions.

Know that you are not alone. Many others have experienced what you may be going through. First, look inward to ways you can give yourself support and affection. Then reach out to others for their support and guidance.

With the many players that I have spoken, those who are the most successful are the ones who started to transition outside their given sport while they were in it. Some started taking college courses in the off-season. Others started writing their thoughts and experiences for a book to capture their highlights and inspirations; they learned to be grateful for overcoming personal fears and struggles. Some started working with life coaches to get a “game plan” for an optimal life after their sport.

Don’t put your head in the sand; believing you’ll manage situations when they are dealt to you. This is a reactionary course of action and produces poor outcomes. Instead, begin to think, dream, formulate, and take action now—to create the life you truly envision and deserve.

Mamiko Odegard, Ph.D. specializes in working with athletes to assist in transitioning from their sport to find meaning and success in new possibilities and careers.

www.drmamiko.com

NFLPA and YOU3

If you are wondering what YOU3 is, you will be interested to know it is one of the underlying tenets of the programs I teach… the work I do as the leading authority on overcoming self-sabotage in love, relationships, and high-performance. It is the belief that we have three diametrically different kinds of love, which we must understand and manage. The first is the love we have for ourselves… the jumping off point of all other love we hope to experience.  Another deals with the relationships we have with friends, family, and professional peers and finally, the love we feel romantically.
As I connected with the various attendees and sought to develop relationships at this stellar, and unique event, I was blessed to join and communicate with amazing people:  Kim Sherlock Anderson, a former actor and now stand up comic and Larry Mallory, Board of Directors of the Fort Worth Police Athletic League, a 501C organization that provides youth a place to play sports, learn, and to become leaders in the community and my golfing partner, Joe Wesley, now a Safety manager in Houston. Clearly, these communications were in the second category of professional peers, but I could easily see how some of those would shift to more of a friend status over time – you just know when you really develop long-lasting relationships with others.
I thought of the YOU3 of romantic relationships as I met fabulous wives and partners such as Dr. Amy Lewis, A National Board Certified Accupuncturist and President Acupuncture Society of DC, Brooke Kalama, an actress, and speaker, Dr. Monica Hill, a couples and family therapist.  In another post, you can read about how a group of us had fun and camaraderie building a dog house and painting them to help raise funds for Forever Loved Pet Sanctuary.  All the while, my mind considered the wives and partners of the EXTRAordinary sports figures, knowing that without question they have been-and remain- the backbone of the players… they are the beautiful spirits who inspire athletes and participate in the ultimate game plan as they emotionally and physically support them.

As you can probably tell, there were many layers of connections at this event, and many memories started we will all carry forth to the next annual event! The concept of teamwork extends so far beyond the game!

NFLPA: John A. Amos

As a peak performance expert working to help athletes’ achieve their ultimate game plans, it was a pleasure indeed to connect with John A. Amos, Jr. at the recent NFLPA event. Talk about a person who has figured out being EXTRAordinary – John certainly has!
There is much to be said about John and his career, but all of that can be seen online through various media pieces. What fascinates me is his playing full out in life – not just in his sports. A part of me would like to interview this remarkable young man and inquire, “What was the mental/emotional connection for you between sociology studies, college football, social work, and Golden Gloves boxing?”
And then… there is John’s further life journey that included writing, television roles – some a comedic take on life, and others drama-based such as The District and the 1977 miniseries, Roots.  The list of his television roles is lengthy, and his work as writer and producer of Hailey’s Comet gained international acclaim – rounded out by stints on Broadway. and the release of an album of original country music songs. This EXTRAordinary performer has the distinction of winning more TV Land Awards than any other actor.
On a more personal level, we see John’s standards of performance extending to being a veteran of the 50th Armored Division of the New Jersey National Guard and Honorary Master Chief of the U.S. Coast Guard. At the end of the day, all in all, I feel honored and grateful to have met this impactful man – and look forward to seeing just how many more ways he can think of being EXTRAordinary!

Is World Class Performance In Your Sights for 2017?

The New Year is full of dreams and hope for a better future. The magic of the holidays seems to linger, making you feel that you can achieve anything that is in your heart and mind. This is the time of the year when you set new goals and examine how you get there. Using the power of your mind and emotions to help you reach your goals in the quickest amount of time encompasses the skills of Conscious Loving.

Do you find yourself setting goals of what you truly want to accomplish? Or are you driven by the need to please and to fit in with others’ expectations of how you should look, feel, think, and act? The suggestions below are different than the traditional behavioral methods to reach goals. These strategies employ honoring yourself and being honest about what you truly want to create for yourself.

You are EXTRAordinary and capable of EXTRAordinary results. Your goals that you set for yourself are chosen to empower, boost your esteem and confidence, and to succeed at a higher level. When I refer to “world class performance,” you don’t necessarily need to be an elite athlete. Instead, it is about the ways you show up in an effort, integrity, communication, the actions of treating yourself and others. Do you find yourself being critical and holding high expectations of yourself and others? Is that voice inside of your head continually making judgments and pressing for you to do even more…like that feeling of feeding that monster who cannot consume enough food.

Whatever your goals, you can get there faster and more successfully if you follow these action steps:

  1. Brainstorm all the goals you would like to achieve this year. These could be your goals for your physical well-being, emotional growth, spiritual closeness, enhanced relationships, heightened performance, career success, greater relaxation, and enjoying vacations. Perhaps it is an external goal such as winning a championship or achieving a milestone.
  2. Examine your list, determine your top three goals, and place them in order of priority. Rate them as to their level of importance and urgency to accomplish these goals. How committed are you reaching these on a scale of 0 to 10, with 10 being absolutely, undeniably committed? If you are not at an 8, 9, or 10 in your level of commitment toward working on your goals, then what’s getting in your way? Are these pervasive “should” goals, because you think that this is the right or acceptable thing to do? Are you coming from a place of deficiency or a place of love?
  3. Now create an action plan as to how you can reach your three goals. To successfully reach your goals, create short-term, moderate, and long-term goals. These smaller goals keep you motivated and focused because they are taken in tiny, daily actionable steps and allow you to feel good about your progress and encourage your efforts. For instance one of the most popular goals every year pertains to losing weight and exercising more. It’s easy to get distracted, and off track by that luscious looking pastry or hot comforting chicken pot pie when it’s cold outside. Then it’s back to feeling defeated or scolding yourself for not being disciplined. It’s also easy to consume what you want in the moment and justify starting “tomorrow,” resulting in you feeling guilty and dishonest. Instead, consider what is it about losing weight, getting into that specific size, or having a certain shape and physique that drives you. Is it really about your body shape, size, or weight? Or is it about being acceptable, fitting in, and being desired? If it is about your feeling different or inadequate, then commit to making the real changes within you to acknowledge and to feel you are irresistible to yourself and others. Allow yourself to stay in the moment and to learn how to emotionally support yourself with tenderness and acceptance no matter what, starting with realistic goals that you can achieve. The stakes can become harder as you graduate toward success.
  4. Make a list of consequences for your activities that take you toward your goals or prevent you from attaining your goals. Directly reward yourself generously with compliments and activities that encourage you to feel proud and fuel your successes. When you find yourself underperforming and feeling unmotivated, examine what holds you back and specifically how you may be sabotaging your efforts and your esteem. Then instead of punishing yourself or feeling like you’re failing, be the detective solving the case by working backward to identify and change actions and outcomes.
  5. Practice gratitude and celebrate your greatness every day. By continually being in the moment and consciously recognizing and appreciating the small miracles that are happening in your life, you change your energy, your thoughts, your feelings, and your outcomes. Gratitude is a gift you give yourself to rebalance and empower you even more.

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The Art of Connecting – YOU3™

Throughout our lives we have experiences in three distinctly different types of love and relationships, which I call YOU3:

  • Relationship with Ourselves
  • Relationship with Others (family, friends, and co-workers)
  • Relationship with Our Love Partner

ACT on Love™

The relatioIMG_0561nship with ourselves is the most sacred, serving as the foundation for how well we treat ourselves and others. If we are critical towards ourselves, we are also judgmental and harsh with others, especially those closest to us. The concept of ACT on Love™ encourages us to act now to show love to ourselves and others. By accepting and loving ourselves first, we enhance all other relationships and build immediate and lasting connections.

As a former psychologist, individual and couples therapist, and now as a love, relationship, and performance expert, I have worked with many of you who wanted to feel more secure about yourself and be more comfortable and enjoy deeper relationships with others, as well as knowing the skills to retain the passion and bliss of fresh loving relationships. By starting with yourself first to become your best version, you actually become irresistible in attracting individuals to you romantically, socially, professionally, and personally. Yes, we find ourselves being attracted to those whom we view as happy, confident, fun, warm, thoughtful, a good listener, able to sense and understand what we’re feeling and experiencing. These desirable qualities stem from feeling good about you, which is reflected in everything you do and say. Self-confidence equates to self-love, that warm, acceptance and nurturing you practice on yourself, leading you to heightened performance in your careers, in building relationships with others, and in the ways you show up in your roles and behaviors as an inspiring lover, partner, and parent.

Be the First

If you want someone to listen and understand your feelings, be the first one to listen, ask questions, and demonstrate that you hear the other’s emotions and the reasons behind them. If you want more love, be the first to show love in different ways such as compliments and recognition, by physical touching with hugs, holding hands, snuggling together, or massaging the back or feet. You create memorable experiences and a closer bonding when you use Conscious lovingin your words and actions.

Discover Others…

A friend of mine, Larry Benet, is known as the “Connector.” He encourages us to really tap into what a person is about-not just finding out one’s occupation, but what that person does for fun, and how he can help with another’s passions or success with current projects. Larry, like others, has learned the concept “give to get,” meaning whatever we want, give it to another first, and that gift of what we desire comes back to us.

One way to quickly connect is to have laughter and fun. Think of the best times you have experienced? What were you doing then? Many times it is engaging in fun, zany, lighthearted physical activities or it could be moments when you felt most loved and connected… and even thinking about those situations where you felt the most love will often bring a smile as you remember the closeness, affection, words and gestures. You can create these special moments now with anyone.

Many people have come to me because they wanted to have a smoother, closer relationship with a co-worker, teammate, friend, family, and of course a significant love partner. Even though the other party didn’t participate in coaching, relationships dramatically changed for the better, because the individual who became the best version of himself or herself, impacted all others and how others responded to them. When you are in a place of love where you fully accept and love yourself, you have the power to be a magnet for positive people and experiences.

Dr. Mamiko Odegard, a premier life coach and founder of ACT On Love is the author of Daily Affirmations for Love: 365 Days of Love in Thought and Action. She will quickly show you how to make changes in your life and your relationships through her customized 1:1 Individual and Couples Coaching, VIP Intensive Retreats and Concierge Programs. Start better connections now with all the people in your life, by calling 480-391-1184 for your personal consultation with Mamiko.