My empowering YOU3 program is founded on the principle love begins with the relationship with yourself. Today’s post addresses that in: I am More than my Appearance: Let Love Start with Me! I read a recent article about negative self-defeating thoughts that jumped out for one woman when she weighed herself at the doctor’s office. She immediately went into a tailspin about her weight, unattractiveness, and how others would notice. One of her solutions was to go shopping to perk herself up! Do you know just how dangerous this practice is for so many men and women when they’re SO down, anxious, bored, or stressed they turn to shopping? Sometimes the toys or wardrobe can be quite costly and plunge the individual into debt and actually increase the feelings of helplessness, depression, and being overwhelmed. Besides, you’re treating the symptoms and not the source of the disgust and feelings of inadequacy. Notice the triggers in your escalating emotions. For this woman, it was stepping on the scale; a practice she had long eliminated. In fact earlier in the day, she felt proud and beautiful, rejoicing in her day. Then suddenly, with a certain number, she was devastated, pushing back to her past, and reliving the many limiting and self-sabotaging thoughts and beliefs. When you find yourself reverting to the harsh critic within, here are the following steps to “fall in love” with yourself again.

Love = Stop the Critical Messages

First stop the critical messages and take a moment to notice what you are telling yourself.

• What are the actual beliefs that prevent you from embracing yourself?
• Are you telling yourself that you’ll never be attractive, no one would want you; no one would ever marry the you they view as ugly, fat, and lazy?
• Write down these beliefs, which serve as the basis for your immediate moment-by-moment unproductive thoughts. These beliefs are in essence, your operational rules for your life and well-being.

Love = Remember Your Beauty

• Remind yourself that you are the very same beautiful, vibrant person before stepping on a scale, hearing critical comments from your inner voice or from others, feeling rejected, or avoided by others. You do have power over your thoughts and feelings.

Love = Practice Positive Affirmations

• Practice affirmations or beliefs that are supportive of you. You might write down compliments or supportive, nurturing statements that you have given yourself in the past when you were feeling loving and accepting of yourself. Read, think, and say them now. For instance, you might think:
• This situation gives me the opportunity to love and affirm myself.
• My body serves me well.
• I am practicing ways to keep my body strong, slim, and healthy
• I choose to accept my body.
• I radiate love and energy within me and to those whom I meet.
• I am attractive and am magnetic to those whom I talk with.
• I am learning to love and accept my body more each day.

You are on your way to having the love you so deeply desire…starting with yourself first. Dr. Mamiko Odegard, the love and relationship expert and founder of ACT on Love™, helps you to find your true love by providing the tools and skills so you can feel and be extraordinary. Only then can you really claim and know your value and preciousness and show love to yourself and others. Let Dr. Mamiko help you today to jumpstart your love to gain the love and passion you crave, and the life you dream of. Click here to schedule your Introductory Discovery Consultation… All change begins with awareness, and it begins with you! Image: http://www.freeimages.com/photo/1432101

Miracles, Momentum and Manifestation revealed for me the deep truth there are myriad ways we can use our voices and present our messages to the world. I have had the privilege of doing so through consulting, coaching, workshops, speaking engagements, interviews, articles, blog posts, social media,interviews and the most arduous journey of all… as a published author. My first venture, Daily Affirmations for Love: 365 Days of Love in Thought and Action was a compilation of many years of “walking my talk” as a renowned expert in love and relationships. Being ever so grateful to my wonderful husband, Greg, the book initially was to honor him and the forty plus years of an equally wonderful marriage. It grew into a larger project – the foundation for a significant turn in the direction of my business, with the decision to focus on showing others how to ACT on Love, and how – in doing so – they would have the life and the love they desired and deserved.

Since the book was first published in 2011, my expertise as a love and relationship expert has expanded; my visibility has put me in front of people whose marriages were on rocky ground; marriages which were salvaged through using my unique YOU-3 approach, which addresses all relationships in which you engage… beginning with the relationship you have with yourself, and expanding to that you have with other friends, family and peers, and finally – to the ultimate love partner for which we all search. I have since created other specialty programs for couples and mixed singles – the most popular seems to be MANthology 101. I was fortunate enough to give reference to a certain number of the underlying principles from MANthology 101 in Miracles, Momentum and Manifestation (Amazon). My Chapter: “The Miracle of MAN-i-festing the Ultimate Love Relationship” addresses the reality that healthy relationships should be based on love, – or so we think! It asks the reader, “Does it seem you and your love partner speak two totally different languages?” The answer to that question can be found as you discover how to identify your partner’s preference for communicating love, while creating the best version of yourself and learning the art of mindful loving.

Click here to Buy Miracles, Momentum and Manifestation in Paperback and Kindle Editions.

How do you get over your ex when you’re miserable?

Your heart aches, your stomach hurts, and you’re filled with confusion, second guesses, sadness, despair, and anxiety as your head spins and your emotions churn. How will you ever survive?

Maybe you feel like you gave your all to this relationship; being ever so considerate, taking his needs and wants into account, prioritizing him, communicating with him, and enjoying passionate sex together. No matter how you view his ending your relationship, it just doesn’t make sense.

Here Are 10 Ways to Get Over Your Ex When He Drops the Bomb:

1. Allow Yourself to Feel the Necessary Emotions.

When you first learn your ex is leaving or has already left you, it’s natural to feel shocked and experience a sense of denial.

“Oh, this isn’t really happening to me.”
“This is temporary; he’ll be back.”
“He just needs space for a while… to cool down.”
“He’s pulled away before…he needs me.”
As time passes, your emotions will be up and down like a roller coaster, ranging from sadness and devastation, to anger, fear, “bargaining” that he will come back if you change, and grieving when you realize he isn’t coming back to you.

The best gift that you can give yourself is to allow yourself to feel your feelings. Cry if you need to cry, yell and curse or physically let go of anger through exercise, hitting or kicking objects that can safely vent your anguish.

2. Talk Out Your Feelings with Your Closest Confidants

Family and friends can be a strong source of support and love for you now. Talk things out and allow them to simply listen. They don’t have to agree with you that he’s a bastard for leaving you, but they can show their understanding of where you are coming from. Of course, it’s not always possible to call your best friend, especially in the middle of the night. During those late nights when you can’t sleep, write down your thoughts and feelings to let them out and to more precisely talk about your hurt later with those closest to you or to a therapist or coach. It’s okay to lean on friends, family and professional support… especially during the most vulnerable times.

3. Stop Second-Guessing What Went Wrong

You can keep torturing yourself for a very long time, trying to figure out what you did and said to him that triggered his leaving. The reality remains… you may never really know. If you have to guess why he left, then you obviously were not in an intimate emotional relationship, meaning he wasn’t telling you the truth about how he was thinking and feeling about you. The more you think about what you should have said, or could have done, the more you feel like a failure and begin to conjure catastrophes, building the fear that you’ll never find a lover like your ex; that no one will ever love you.

4. If your Relationship is Truly Over, Don’t Call Your Ex for Closure.

It’s easy to delude yourself into thinking that if you really knew the reasons why he left you, you could handle the situation better and move on. If your relationship were healthy and honest, you would’ve already discussed splitting and the importance of going your separate ways. Calling and texting your ex only serves to confirm to him that he made the right decision, making you appear insecure and undesirable. This also includes not contacting his friends to reveal secrets about why he called it quits.

5. Write Down Behaviors that Were Dissatisfying or the Ways Your Ex Hurt or Betrayed You

If you are honest with yourself, you’ll accept there were some key characteristics and behaviors that had bothered you, violated your trust, or hurt you. When you are craving to have your lover back, write them down and read through the list of ways he betrayed, wounded, or irritated you. Let your man fall off his pedestal and be seen for who he really was, not your fantasy of him.

6. Recognize the Times When You Feel the Most Vulnerable, and Allow Others To Be with You

This doesn’t mean talking endlessly with your support system about your grieving, anger, or loneliness. Instead it’s preparing for the times when you struggle the most – such as evenings or weekends. Empower yourself and make plans to be with your family, friends, or even acquaintances to participate in fun or different activities.

7. Give Yourself Time to Heal and Abstain from Dating

This time period can be anywhere from 6 -12 months.When your relationship ends, it may seem easier to medicate the pain and to enhance your “attract-ability factor” by going out with as many people as you can. Does this really help you… or are you trying to send your ex a message: “Hey, look how desirable I am!” Realize that you are trying to make yourself feel good in a manipulative, unhealthy manner. If you happen to “click” with another person, it’s highly likely a rebound, and you’re probably doing more damage to your esteem and confidence, because you keep attracting the wrong type of lover. It’s the quality of the relationship that, in the end, is far more important than how many lovers can you date or seduce. Instead, allow yourself to grieve and let go rather than covering up with shopping, eating, drugs, alcohol, dating, sex, and gambling.

8. View this Turbulent Time as Temporary

The feelings of hurt, rejection, confusion, sadness, and overwhelm will not last forever. Did your ex truly show you love, affection, and tenderness through words and actions? If he didn’t, you would not ever be satisfied. Instead, you’d feel resentful, which would ultimately grow like a tumor. You would begin to pick at your ex more with criticisms and withholding loving actions and sex, creating a negative spiral of tension, anger, and withdrawal.

9. Let Go

When you want a relationship that is more vibrant and lasting in your life, you must make room for positive change. This means letting of your past lover(s) so you can begin to attract someone that can appreciate and love you for the person that you are; someone who can be your soul mate. How many times have you known people who end their relationships, only to find a year or two down the line that they have found their perfect match?

10. Go From Victim to Victor!

When you are wounded, you attract vultures that mistreat you, put you down, and undermine your self worth, confidence; deepening the nagging fear inside that no one will ever love you. You then settle for less than you deserve, and perhaps even lose your identity, trying so hard to please your newfound partner. Such behavior includes doing what he wants, and being careful to not disagree or raise his ire, as you battle your fear of rejection and abandonment. This is why it’s so important to get to the source of what’s keeping you stuck in unhealthy relationships, which, over a matter of time reveals your next lover becoming angry and disillusioned with you as you repeat a dreadful pattern of love and loss. It’s time for you to create your best self, to feel extraordinary. Only then can you become irresistible, because your love, respect and kind actions toward yourself shine within and reflect outwardly towards others. When you are the empowered victor, you attract and keep a lover who can cherish you, protect you, and nourish that growing love between the two of you.

You can have that love you’ve always wanted! Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, you hold the power and the keys to the kingdom. Whenever, you fall into your black hole, it is an opportunity for you to grow and to create your best self. May you feel and be extraordinary!