The Pain of Separation-How Long Will It Last?
You’ve just lost your lover, your best friend, your constant companion. You’ve cried yourself to sleep each night since he or she left. You can’t function during the day, feeling as if you’re in a daze, unable to focus on tasks that need to be accomplished. People’s voices around you just seem to be a buzz; you can see their mouths moving and talking to you, but you can’t comprehend. You’re distraught, scared, confused, and feel uncertain of yourself, overwhelmed and lost.
You’re going through the initial stages of shock and grieving. You can’t believe this is happening to you. Your mind can’t stop thinking of what you might have done wrong to cause your lover to leave you. Even worse, your head is filled with unending circular questions that your brain can’t answer, causing you to go from one question to another-
- “Why doesn’t he/she love me?”
- What did I do wrong?”
- “Is there someone else?
- “Why didn’t I see this coming?”
- “Why is he/she doing this to me?”
- “Did he/she step out on me?”
- “Will he/she ever come back to me?”
Obviously, you’re unable to answer any of these questions, only heightening your pain even more. The important thing is to be aware of how you are exacerbating your hurt and confusion even more whenever you start asking yourself these never-ending questions.
These three steps speed your healing from the emptiness, loneliness, sadness, and pain of separation:
1. Become aware of your circular questions– These get you nowhere, they cause you to be more obsessed, more overwhelmed, and feeling powerless. You can never truly figure out what the other person’s actual motives might be.
2. STOP as soon as you become aware that you are asking yourself circular questions. You’re now starting to take control over your thoughts and emotions so you can decide your next steps.
3. Redirect to questions that reclaim your power.
You have the ability to redirect questions that help you take action such as “what” would be helpful to you now and “how” can you go about this.
When life throws lemons your way, how do you handle them? Call Dr. Mamiko now at 480-391-1184, if you’re ready to move on and gain new insights and quick skills to create an even better life for yourself. You don’t have to be stuck and in pain…You can grow and be even happier. Yes, you are lovable and are loved!
Ready to take steps to move on? Mamiko Odegard, Ph.D., is just a phone call away at 480-391-1184. Or if you prefer, email Success@drmamiko.com with your PHONE NUMBER and best times to connect. Why struggle trying to sort it all out yourself? Change can begin now!