“When love hurts” is often the focus when I work with clients in my coaching practice. I hear so many times, “I love her but I’m not in love with her.” Some lose hope that their affection for each other can ever be regained. The passion, the romance, the fun, the excitement are gone. At some point, however, a decision must be made; the following questions may assist you in answering the question, “Should I leave or stay?”
Do you still love each other?
If there is affection and caring for each other, hope remains. Many couples that I have worked with find themselves being intimate with each other for the first time and finding an even deeper level of love and passion.
Do you want to work on your relationship?
This means looking at yourself and taking personal responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and actions– rather than just looking for your partner to change.
How have you contributed to the dissatisfaction and conflict in your relationship?
The solution is not to leave and get another partner, because there is a tendency to re-experience the same conflicts – just with different partners. The solution is to truthfully examine your own actions and the “dance” you have created with your partner so you each can grow and make the best decision for yourselves.
What needs and wants are not being met by your partner?
This is a time for you and your partner to start over to allow both of you to have your needs met. It’s about creating win-win solutions. Are you both capable of wanting to fulfill the other’s wants and wishes?
Are you still physically or sexually attracted to your partner?
Appearances change, but you can begin to be more attracted once again as your feelings of affection re-emerge. For some who place a premium on appearance and attraction, this could be a deal breaker, because physical and sexual attraction may be strongly associated with love.
Do you still have common interests?
Many couples discover they have drifted apart over the years with little interests in common. They each seem to be pursuing their own interests and becoming more disengaged. If mutual interests can be revived, you can feel more connected together.
Do you have the capacity to have fun together?
So often when couples come for counseling or coaching, they spend much time talking about issues in their relationships. It’s critical to just enjoy, relax, and have fun trying out new activities, old ones, and appreciate and savor the simple daily beauty and pleasures of life such as watching a sunset together, biking together, or walking hand in hand while sharing feelings about the events of the day.
Will you have a sense of peace if you leave?
If you decide to leave your relationship without exploring and participating in all your options for reconciliation and rebuilding of your relationship, will you question and torture yourself with uncertainty of your decision? If you stay and explore how you really feel towards your partner and the actions that you jointly have contributed to the current situation, and you still decide to leave, you will have a significantly greater sense of peace and comfort that you earnestly gave your best effort in reconciling and rebuilding the marriage.
You may be interested to know that the majority of couples that come to me, because they are undecided about whether to continue their marriage, have recommitted to each other and found even more love, understanding, support, closeness, tenderness, respect, and companionship than they ever experienced before. If you need help whether to stay or leave, I’m a phone call away. Call now for your private consultation to see if a VIP Retreat, 48 Hour Love Makeover™ or Concierge Program can help you to quickly decide and to gain peace of mind.
Act on Love™ towards yourself and those around you.