Download the Self-Sabotage Checklist after you listen to the first of a six-session Overcoming Self Sabotage Teleseminar
Self-sabotage… we ALL do it! Listen in as Sharkie shares my interview as her daily Pep Talk.
Show date: December 29, 2017
The Perfect Media Experience
Connecting with the Media is an interesting and necessary part of business success. On occasion, an opportunity comes along that goes beyond expanding your visibility. You quickly recognize it as something that deeply touches your heart. You go away feeling you’ve just had the perfect media experience!
Media connections are not always easy to make, thus a big thank you is being offered to co-hosts Terri Ouellette and Susan Carter, and the whole team at ABC15 Sonoran Living. This collective proved to be a dream team to work with: professional and warm, easily setting guests at ease, and it was obvious they personally wanted each guest to shine. Meeting Terri and Susan was like talking to old friends. I found them truly EXTRAordinary in the way they interview each guest, bring out what is unique – and – keep the show fun and sizzling.
Behind the Scenes
The ABC15 Sonoran Living experience was a marvel, where I watched a fine-tuned team of professionals work together and quickly record a live show. I found it amazing… just how quickly these two dynamic women moved from set to set… able to focus their complete attention on the next guest or episode. The behind-the-scene-action and getting filmed is a thrilling adventure to be experienced.
What a way to start 2018 by being on a premier live show! I hope your time comes to “share the spotlight.” When that time comes, work for a relationship with a media expert of whom you are a fan! Knowing their responsibilities, sources, and following makes you a better guest. You understand their passion for bridging the gap between their audience and the experts who have important messages that provide transformation, impact, and influence. It is this point of congruence you will find your perfect media experience.
No one should have to be held captive to the effects of shame! When the clouds of shame are lifted, you can actually walk down a path of becoming EXTRAordinary. Today is Martin Luther King Day, where we have the privilege to honor a great man, who held a dream of racial equality and people living in love, peace, and acceptance. His message is even more crucial today as many people in our country are reverting backward… once again expressing prejudice and racism. I find consolation in Dr. King’s concepts; they mirror my belief that love is a verb, and that it calls on us to Act on Love. You will see the commonalities as I share my personal story with you. Find enlightenment in my story. Look not only beyond your own shame, but look at how easily and unintentionally you can shame others. Understand the effect your actions have on them, and most importantly—how to prevent these practices and overcoming shame.
I came to the United States from Japan when I was seven years old. At that time, I looked different than my peers and didn’t speak or write English. Just because of my appearance alone, I was teased and bullied. With great frequency, kids made fun of me, made gestures about my slanted eyes, and called me names. Unfortunately, you cannot change your race, your features, or the color of your skin. Through no fault of my own, the bullying caused me to be ashamed of my appearance and ethnicity.
Sure I felt different…I was different! The shame of my ethnic origins and early struggles with school filled me for years—following me from childhood into being an adult. I wasn’t equipped to understand shame is different from guilt.; you don’t need to do anything wrong to feel ashamed. Over time I came to understand shame is a feeling of being less than, inferior, or different—and is typically caused by the actions of others.
As I reflect back, these childhood years were filled with anguish. I desperately wanted to be accepted, liked, and to be “one of them.” In my primitive ways to gain acceptance and to blend in, I disowned my Japanese heritage and even changed the pronunciation of my name to sound softer and more Anglicized. Yes, I became one of the “bananas” you may have heard about: yellow on the outside, white on the inside!
Early on I began to intuitively choose people who could become good friends and become an ally. I focused on those who were welcoming of me with their direct eye contact and smiles. I then became a master of developing conversations and establishing relationships quickly. It was simple: I was friendly, engaging, loyal, and became an excellent listener who provided emotional and physical support to others.
Later on, I learned how to depersonalize. This is a way to deflect and to know that the comments, actions, and situations are NOT about you! Rather, it is about the other person and where he/she is coming from. Their putdowns and slurs—although directed at you—are, in essence, more so about them! This ability to depersonalize helps provide a glimpse into who or what the other person is.
A confident person who can love and accept himself or herself is one who can be encouraging and warm toward others…no matter the race or physical appearance and attributes reflected outwardly. Being too tall, short, fat, skinny, unathletic, or disabled – in the end, it doesn’t matter. Ultimately… the choices are yours: to buy into the shame or move beyond it. When you- recognize and remember that when another person is compelled to call you names, demean, and harass you… the behaviors provide insights into insecure feelings within themselves.
A person who can accept others, or at least maintain neutral opinions, withholds judgment and criticism. To develop this level of acceptance requires learning and practicing the Art of Conscious Loving™. Conscious loving is easy to recognize; it is the ability to look at situations—and other individuals—through the eyes of acceptance and love—and allow yourself and others the benefit of the doubt. When you have attained this skill, you can begin to see beyond what you may think another person may lack; or how they find you lacking. Since none of us is perfect, and make mistakes, when we embrace Conscious Loving, we give ourselves permission to be imperfect, to be aware, and to live in the present. It is in the present where you can quickly correct the thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and actions that provide support—and a discover a template for the best results in your life journey.
Bear in mind that your actions, comments, and even your thoughts affect you and others in many ways. LIVE today in honor of Martin Luther King; as you stop and ACT on Love towards yourself and others. Stop and consider moving beyond your own sense of shame; support others to ensure you do not add to the layers of shame that far too often pile themselves upon us.
Mamiko Odegard, Ph.D., president of Biz Life Success, Inc., has served over 30 years as a psychologist and life and business coach, who helps you overcome shame, learn to ACT on love, and helps you to be Irresistible, Invincible, and Iconic. She is an international best-selling author of Daily Affirmations for Love and Overcoming Self-Sabotage and Strathmore’s Worldwide Who’s Who Professional Coach of the Year.
Mamiko Odegard, PhD
Are You Feeling Sad? Can the empowerment found in a 48-Hour Makeover change that for you?
It is natural to feel a sense of being blue or sad. These feelings are often triggered by events such as being disappointed you weren’t able to successfully close a contract on which you worked so diligently for weeks. The sadness can be compounded because you are aware it caused you to take out your frustration as you yelled at your children and mate. Sometimes, it might seem that no matter what you do, you end up taking two steps back.
It is also natural to have moments in your day when you might feel sad or experience anguish over an outcome that failed to meet your expectations. Unfortunately, life has a way of hurtling challenges at you in clusters.
We refer to these feelings as situational sadness, recognized in life challenges such as moving, separation, starting a new job, difficulty with co-workers, fear of downsizing, or not getting recognized for your efforts. Each can trigger feelings of sadness. When you begin to feel your life is out of control, it is natural to add another level… that of feeling stuck. When you reach this level, you would be wise to consider a 48-Hour Makeover- a highly focused consultation where the magic happens!
Why? Because… when you experience additional layers of sadness, you are at risk of experiencing depression, a more prolonged and more pervasive feeling of being “down,” where you might exhibit symptoms such as:
- Becoming more stressed
- Feeling stuck
- Losing hope
- Seeing the glass half empty
- Feeling powerless and overwhelmed
- Have difficulty making decisions and problems with concentration and memory
- Greater impatience and irritability
- Loss of interest and pleasure in activities that you previously enjoyed
- Becoming reclusive
- Thoughts of suicide or harming yourself
With depression, greater apathy for longer periods of time can prevail and you may begin to experience physical symptoms such as headaches, loss of energy, difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much, loss of appetite, overeating, lowered libido, and increased physical pain such as back pain and stomach distress as well as increased heart rate and blood pressure. It doesn’t have to be this way! Consider engaging in a 48-Hour Makeover!
Whether you are sad or experiencing depression, help is available. Assistance through an empathic listener who can hear and understand your pain while providing emotional support can be the first step to relieving your sadness. Skills directly designed to lower feelings of sadness and restore hope and empowerment are easy to learn. You learn to shift away from perceptions that exacerbate feelings of loss of control and powerless and move toward new ways to reframe your feelings with different meanings that can lead to enhanced feelings of empowerment and action. This reframing also helps to recognize that your crises and challenges are temporary; your life doesn’t have to be this chaotic, stressful, and unpredictable. It is as simple as learning how to take charge of what you can control.
You’re not weak or defective – you haven’t been taught the blueprint of how to more effectively and quickly manage your feelings and more adeptly handle difficult situations Sometimes, you are your own worst enemy, keeping yourself trapped in a series of circular questions that your brain cannot answer such as:
- Why is this happening to me?
- What’s wrong with me?
- Will I always feel stuck and miserable?
During a 48-Hour Makeover, you can learn to quickly change and refine your thoughts and beliefs into more opportunistic ways of viewing your situation. You also learn to open yourself to creativity and actively taking steps to improve your life. Most importantly you feel more uplifted and secure in just how this ability to use these new skills transforms your personal growth.
You might feel conflicted that you “should” be strong and learn to pull yourself out of this emotional morass with no assistance. Instead of beating yourself up, realize that you only know what you know, which leads you to do little more than repeat old patterns of behavior. How refreshing would it be for you to have a mentor that could help you to have a specific toolbox of skills when you find yourself cycling down?
Consider this: It is an act of kindness and love on your part to allow yourself to talk, to be heard and understood, and to create a game plan for success. What a shift away from feeling sad to instantly feel supported, cared for, more optimistic, and hope for the future. What a magical moment… to notice your energy and mood lighten as you discern more ways to stop yourself in your tracks as soon as you notice yourself starting to feel sad or depressed. Yes, you can be in charge of your life! The choice is yours.
Dr. Mamiko Odegard has worked with thousands of individuals and couples; she can help you feel and be your best self. Call 480-391-1184 for a complimentary appointment to experience a unique jumpstart in making changes for the better. Remember, when you take action, you lift your spirits and energy, and consciously affirm you are already taking control of your life. Yes, you are already learning the art of Loving Yourself to Success!
Dr. Mamiko Odegard
The concept… to love yourself to success has long been a mantra of mine. Whether you want to reach your own goals or work together, with others, love can and does conquer myriad difficulties even when you are challenged and stuck in old repetitive self-sabotaging patterns.
I would like to share an uplifting coaching experience with a family… where in just a few short hours, the seemingly impossible happened right before our eyes. There had been a gradual build-up of tension and anger between the parents and their teen who wanted little more than to exert her own independence. My intuition led me to do more than being a referee; I served instead as a facilitator… a conduit of skills and modeling of valuing tenderness, respect, and affection for the family. This was their first step to understanding my mantra, to love yourself to success.
The process called Initially for each person to employ a system of expressing appreciation and affection for the other’s efforts and support to create a buffer before expressing the details of any anger, hurt, sadness, frustration, or fears within. The family quickly understood how important this prelude is to reveal dissatisfaction… how easily it sets the tone for amicability and working together to understand and resolve differences.
The family members learned how to act as listener and speaker. Those who listened quickly learned to mirror the feelings and the reasons behind the feelings being shared. As each person was better able to accurately describe the hurt, pain, and insecurities of the other, a magical transformation of kindness emerged. This step was the more difficult for the listener… calling for the kind of support where there was no attempt to talk the speaker out of his or her thoughts or feel compelled to provide solutions to quiet the speaker.
Instead, each participant listened attentively, maintained excellent eye contact, and began to demonstrate compassion and respect for themselves and each other as they listened for the hurt beneath the anger and sought to keep the focus on the speaker. The experience and the outcome were far different from their typical custom to bring the conversation back to themselves—their own thoughts, feelings, and reactions—through justifying and defending their sense of entitlement and actions.
Several dramatic changes took place to create a space for sharing, each strengthing the ability to “love yourself to success.” The family members were able to…
- Be more specific about actions that caused emotional and mental upset and provided examples in a calm manner.
- Show respect for one another by making sure the focus stayed on the speaker.
- Take turns speaking about their struggles and begin to be clear on what they needed and wanted to be more cooperative, united and showing warmth to each other.
- Understand the deeper needs of the speaker and how to fulfill them.
- Take personal responsibility for the hardships and conflicts that each contributed to the situation.
- Develop a “safe word” that was neutral to help remind each of them to take a timeout when emotions would escalate uncontrollably if one or more engaged in attacks of the other.
- Understand and speak-adult to adult-rather than a parent to a child, or reacting as child to parent.
- Take turns listening, where a greater intellectual and emotional understanding began to take place…one of empathy, of being able to put themselves in the other’s situation to imagine and sense what it would be like to be in the other’s shoes.
- Realize the harder they pushed, the more resistance followed…as tension matched intensity and adverse outcomes.
- Understand that any conflict was temporary…and that they could negotiate better outcomes by taking personal responsibility.
- Depersonalize the situations, which called for not taking another’s behavior personally…and embracing the reality that the behavior was not directed toward them, but about the experience of the person exhibiting the behavior`.
By the end of the session, each family member had learned to make direct requests of each other to resolve issues; they developed a “blueprint” of agreed-upon actions going forward. By becoming honest, open, and vulnerable, this family was able to become closer and to learn new information about each other. The greatest outcome was being able to have true intimacy in the manner in which they could show ways of communicating and loving each other.
Learning to love yourself to success…
Mamiko Odegard, PhD
Straight Talk with Nick Lawrence…
Overcoming Self-Sabotage, by relationship expert, and international best-selling author, Mamiko Odegard, Ph. D., will change your life, as you learn: How To Jumpstart Your Love, Happiness,& Financial Success. No sugar-coating in this interview and book; just solid constructive and informative advice. You are guaranteed to be impressed by the knowledge and passion that Dr. Mamiko brings to the discussion. This is a must-listen and must-read, for anyone who wants to be healthier, happier, and wiser.